just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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