well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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