Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Randomize
