is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
this hospital has no fireball
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
