it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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