On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
