I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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