I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
