even my farts smell like vagina
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
