You're so nebulous sometimes
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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