I want to stick my p in your. b.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
