She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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