Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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