I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
