i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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