Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
