I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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