just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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