just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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