I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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