Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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