she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
