she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
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