i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
