don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
