Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
why is half of my head shaved?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
