Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
