i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I need moral support for this bender
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
