Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
