I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
