I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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