I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
