Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Dignity is for republicans.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
