Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
