We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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