I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
