Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed