what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...