Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?