One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.