There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?