Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Thank you for not boning my boss.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!