So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
