does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome