Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just pee around me
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
