why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
