I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
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