I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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