she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
