Dual....:-)
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
