don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
