There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
