dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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