Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
