Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
A+ Viking dick
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
