xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
