I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
