I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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