I puked a lego.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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