You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
