We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
