I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
