Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
