I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
