I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There's a naked man in my car right now.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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