I feel like abortions should bother me more
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
