im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Someone shit on the floor
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
