Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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