just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
