I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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