i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
