You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
