She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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