I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
