you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
