have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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