i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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