Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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