it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Let's get the cat blown out
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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