all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize