It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
