i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
