dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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