I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
