How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
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