All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
