were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
