I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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