WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
