Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
