I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
