The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
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He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
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I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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